-take a dEEEp breath in-

i dont deserve to be angry. neither anything else. please chill. [thanks love, (/* .*)/]

and i just have to eat more!

anyway, yep, finally accessed the folder of pics taken days ago at cindy babe's house. omg, and there are way too many hideous photos and videos of our silly acts. videos are so crazy and ugly that even boon can laugh to herself all alone (duper retarded) while me and cindy were queuing for pratas~ boon, just dont lose your phone and let those videos loose.

im so glad for that senseless stayover(:

now, my favourite doll, my twinkle-twinkle-little-star teacher, fellow nua-pig, my only da COOL one has gone. please take good care. for all your lousy luck couldnt cheer me up (dont ask me why) anymore, i dont want to worry for you.

it hasnt still quite dawn on me that you are so out of reach now. guess i will miss phoning u randomly. your words work wonders, just like your phone which can only light up, but that is way (too) enough.

hope you will meet at least 2 michael scofields to share with me!

seriously, i hate you like crazy.

and again, this will only be a one second feeling. (ok, it is running to two... three, alright, make it five seconds)



i vent all the anger on myself. but i have understand that i should never overwork myself, so that i can still run when i see a cat.

i am losing weight again. i dont want it either.

stop working out, because nothing is going work out.

it is getting so increasingly tiring to be nice.

if only i have a heart of gold (and maybe diamond and some precious gems and eh... jade) hmm... then maybe i will be a total saint. i should stop feeling sore at how unfair this world is; bad people smile and good people frown.

i have no idea why my mum's daughter is so capable of hurting people with her words.

i wish i feel anger rather than sobbing all over at a corner.

i love Mayday's songs.

comforting...

(no, i am not trying to say anything else.)

... ... ..i think i will be a much happier supermean with money.

not just because i will be able to satisfy my (shamelessly materalistic) desires then. hm... more of solving problems i guess. providing and holding onto loved ones around.

of cos, money isnt quite an element of the function happiness. i am starting to re-feel that i am still capable of making people smile and laugh. thoughtfulness never fail to warm hearts. family or friends, be there for them, even it costs to give up a part of you.

i dont really know how to describe the feeling when you see smile of appreciation or even hear words of thankfulness for just being yourself. it just feel really... comforting(:

to think of it. i gave you happiness too, isnt it? even till the very last moment when i decided to let go of the hold, and now, you have become so much happier.
(from jace's blog) sometimes being able to move on fast may not be a bad thing. at least that familiar smile won't fade.
personally find much truth in that...

i do not have a big heart to say some noble stuffs. so, that's it.

pastel colours calm the heart.

i always think that colour therapy works. like how bright colours can liven or even agitate one's mood. not to mention dark shades and black.

but guess what?

i am feeling colourless.

hoho. another week bu jian liao! i have been sucha nua pig since... i dont know when?! :D it feels quite good to be doing whatever you want to do and... not do whatever you dont want to do! that sounds really good. HAHA!

hmm... i have like conquered countless dramas (some even quite old school, but yea i like -grin-) and also, that makes me fall in love many many times with every main actors. now i cant make up my mind between a korean or a JAPANANESE... ok, i guess, the latter(: HAHA~ well well, not forgeting all the silly crazy games like BURGER ISLAND and THE APPRENTICE. -bleh- but i was a lil too quick in completing them. quite a pity.
anyway, above all are all pirate acts to obtain entertainment from the net :b

(pirate reminds me of jaccckkk sparrrowww!)

anyway, have been reading, doodling, diy-ing, gyming and newest of all - stretching! lol~ like... i can finally touch my toes. hahahahahaha~

ok, i think i sound a lil pathetic with all the loner activities. but i guess it is some sort of survivor skills. -smile-

oh yeah. something quite amusing (to me lah~)
iDoll tutorial from http://cheeserland.com/ this is so duper hilarious when i try it out.

horribly distorted. hahaha. not sure if this is how it should look, but yea... I DONT KNOW! hahaha. actually i think some girls really look like that! biiiiggg (irritating) eyes. of cos, count out that bloated forehead. hahaha~~ (i think the actual (bigger) version of supermean iDoll looks more lovable :b)

anyway, 2nd victim...

LOL! she end up looking like mickey mouse or some sort of mouse. haha~~~ but yea, she looks duper sweet with her home-baked cheesecake for me! -hug-

im still finding potential iDoll-isable pictures of fellow victims. -evil laughters- so, BEWARE!

old joke to end off this senseless entry:b

love, supermean

-sm:)e- things are better off somehow. though the air is still quite suffocating and i have to force myself to breathe in really hard often... life's like that. i only have myself for help, my hands to pick up the pieces and whatever is left of me.

i am so excited for all the future plans. (but if only if only if only! i have tons of money! -punch chest-) gee~ still, it feels kindof good that i know i am gonna find my old self back, get better, be someone better.

it is nice to be important. but, it is more important to be nice.

uhur uhur~ (i hear my mum rambling something) ok, mamae is getting so excited about me bringing her out for a movie. hahaha:D so cute. yea, at least i am making my loved one happy.

anyway, i have PHOTOSHOP in my comp alr! *shakeshakeshake* thanks alot mary2! hahahaha~

and this is what i do when im duper bored... -attack of acm!!!-

of cos i did bawl my eyes out yesterday.

i knew it is a cold hard wall yet i still ran myself into it. i know i cant be brought to anywhere else.

i once taught someone that if you feel anger rushing up to you, take a BIIIGGG deep breath in (till you feel your lungs are bursting)... then let it ALL out at one go, till you cant help but to breath normally again... till you cant help but to breath in your next air just to tell the angel next to you, 'thank you for being here with me'.

for me, that was how easy it is to control temper.
but never emotions.

i have burnt myself up. so, no regret.



after all the extreme ways i used to stop myself from flooding my room last night, i began stretching myself. -lol- first mission: touch my toes! it was really terrible. but yea, was truly inspired by Ryan, his words and his round of warmup for lyrical hiphop. RUAN GU GONG, here i come!

and then after all means and methods of tiring myself, i feel so sore all over. (not to mention, loser)



i kindof know the story behind that display pic last night, i sortof know that today is a special date for some people. know know know... all because it hurts badly to know so much, i cant pretend well enough to believe what is, is not.

everything is up on the world wide web.



but from now, i am just gonna close my eyes.



received yet another bottle of angsana seeds. just like roses, it is just a visual therapy, but never fail to work wonders for me.

left it there for quite sometime before i was bored outta wits one day and started pouring that bottle out to count. 100 of them look so little, but i was already wondering how long it took to pick up that amount. continued counting till i nearly hit a thousand.

suddenly, i have so much to say.

but in the end, again, i chose to bot-tledup, the heartshaped seeds and everything else.

even if the words are 'impossible, i am very happy now'.

i need something to burn myself up. so, think of something which will bring me down totally this time round if your decision is to be so.



of cos, i wish otherwise. please.

a familar hand to squeeze on.

i have made my decision, which was my last line to you.

it leaves you to make a choice.
now... or never:(



giving up, will only lead to regrets.
(unless you have burnt yourself up)



we share dreams together. just imagine 'us'.



i know how little chance i stand. how far away i am.
that is why... i dont even dare to talk.

but, remember *all along



tell me something, soon, bitter litter.

i know where you kept them. i want to steal it all from you. i dont want it to exist. because it is worthless. you dont even read them... no, you dont even take a look at them. no... you dont touch them. or... you dont remember... where is it. forgotten? you dont know what i am talking about. i want to take them away because they are worthless!!!



no... it is because... i dont want them to be worthless...

can you feel how desperate and pathetic i sound?

i know where is it and i want to steal. but, the fact is, i have never climb in through that window.

and now... i can only lie to myself that everything is still kept there.

i am so damn pissed at myself. -grab a brick & knock forehead-

very very selfish.

today, i made rubbish decisions to screw my day. of cos, with the help of other souls. i feel really lousy while you guys are laughing away. probably.

but still, i managed to keep my cool and not to screw others' day. how torturous.

i wish i am born rich.

sunshine after the rain~~~ *singing away*

god knows why i feel so laugh-able. quite a disappointment to be that silly... but yep, it is really funny as i recall.

i am indeed a big fat joke.

thankfully, i have stopped trying to catch the wind.



anyway, other things aside... i WANTWANTWANT photoshop in my comp! ohmygoong! (LOL) i need to paint rubbish on pictures again! -kickingtheground-

up till this very moment, images and scenes of us still flash through my mind quite often. most of the time, we were laughing back and fore... silly-ly, about nothing much probably. but soon, memories seem to fall apart.
i have no idea what/who i miss anymore.
in fact, i start to think that the moon and star are meant to be together.
because of this, i hold back my breath, even if it is going to suffocate me, i no longer spread a word of concern to you. it doesnt mean i dont care, but... i cant.
the heart aches badly. the pain kills.
i know you love her.
i cant help but to feel relieved for the dark clouds above me. they darken the sky and cover whatever that shines. so please, dont let them appear in front of my eyes... please...

now, i dont even remember how you look like.
really... who are you?

心... 真的好痛 (T.T)

a short little escape is good for health(: i feel alive hopping around in unfamilar places.

but im sucked back and shall be back for pictures, next time:D



had a very quiet afternoon to myself, after so long. i have no idea why, but i looked into the mirror and i broke down. i have no idea why. it left me totally strengthless till i had to drop to the floor. it feels terribly lonely... which i dont fear.

i guess...

it is because i have just realised that...

i am just a passerby in someone's life. (and probably many others' too)

Got sick of colours. :(

wenbin jacelyn cindy shuheng huiwen calista celestine vivien alan cheehui evelyn caleb tengyong

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.fourth!Romance is the designer.
Inspiration from Exuvalia and mintypeach.