The Spinster's

hey bobo...

i realise no one is ever satisfied with life. not even the ministers, not even msu, not even that girl with the biggest boobs.

no bobo is a complete happy soul inside.

discontentment is a parasite which engulfs us all from within. it is a kind of darkness which spreads... or maybe a increasing strong source of light that blinds.

we need to learn the art of appreciation.

who knows. maybe a lousy bobo day is the best day of your bobo life.

i feel disgrace of my thoughts and actions. i have steered away from my principles in life. now, i only have myself to help.

<3dopiestephanie

heyya bobo! hows your day?

everyone is bobo. no matter thin fat short tall smart(ass) retarded or dopey! YAY. world is fair!

bobo, dont try to figure out what i am saying. 'cos i have no idea. it is just simply out of nothing, not even universe. *hops off*

beloved is special. so he shall be bobobo.

most of the time, i live in my own world. i feel happy in my own world. i emo in my own world. emotions are bot-tledup. i am feeling the grey area between illusions and reality.

nevermind about that. i am sure plain jane will grow up normally like any other... ... bobo.

HAHA.

i shall learn to show more love to fellow bobo(sss).

guess i will head down to the student care service centre after work later. prepare to do some voluntary tuitioning... time for some good deeds man.

like why hur?
yeah. just in case i am going to murder someone in the future, i hope cancelling of karmas works. thankyouverymuch, i know i am well prepared for the future(:

i am nice. just a little random.

<3dopiestephanie

i am so hungry at this very moment. 1.55AM. so much so that i can swallow a whole elephant. (but eew... i should think of something nicer. food, thats it!)

*unleash emoticon* /boo
(it is really cute. mario's ghost ^o^)

tonight is good \m/
*woo woo woo ooo baby*

i want to eat up beloved who copied my ghostly whines!
*wuu wuu wuu uuu~*

cheap thrill. im lovin' it.

i want a life with you. tell me all is true.

<3dopiestephanie

OEI OEI OEI! freezing cold can?

people, stop walking considerably fast past me and stop flipping papers! they are creating movements in the air which blow cold air~~~ i am already trying my best to minimise my movement to conserve warmth. *shivers*

i seriously loathe rainy weather. (ame)

nothing seems to go well on such lousy day.
and brain freeze. i cant think of anything to blog about.

i feel that life is rather empty. i am thankful for the japanese and hiphop lessons accompanied by my rv babes. yeah, like that creates the chance for me to meet up with them at least once a week. im glad im learning and seeing friends.

okay, then you see, i have run out of things to talk about. ha ha ha... ha ha. recently, i thought of doing some charity work, (hoping to cancel out my bad karmas) to make life abit more fulfilling i guess. good thing that i found an orphanage sort of service centre near my house, i may commit abit of my time there then... providing help and also helping myself. learning never stop.

i need to experience the innocence of life again.

i ~~only~~ at least send beloved one message in the morning, another one at night.
~~perhaps that is enough. because i dont really like the feeling of being ignored.~~crossfingers

but enough is never enough when it comes to you.
vicstephanie

i am just afraid that i am the only one thinking the word we belongs to the two of us, you and me.

can we have the future together?

<3dopiestephanie

(/edited)

YAY \(^o^)/
here comes mundane post~~~

-oh yea. i typed hell lots of words for the cursed friday i had last week and i decided to delete them all off. yes, hello everyone, this is frickle-minded-estephanie-

saturday21
it wasnt an emo day.

sunday22
it wasnt an emo day.

HAHAHAHA.

monday23
today is not an emo day.

i really like the way i blog. hooray xD

life is simple, isnt it?

-

anyway people,
i caught Phantom of the Opera on yesterday!

it was really really good even when my seat is at the highest level. the show could have worth the hundred plus bucks easily. but never mind if you can only settle for the cheapest, go for it~ it worths every cent!

and yea, beloved said it is a pity cos i didnt even pay a single cent.

the cast was still as energetic last night, despite having performed for like countless times. i felt they are still as proactive to put up the best show every night.

Think of Me is still my favourite song out of all.
remember me once in a while, promise me you'll try.

but Phantom impressed me the most. goodness, his emotive voice! i could see stars in his singing. despite doing the same things for years. *clapclapclapsss*

thumbs up for the stage effects too~ the band sounds fabulous too, together with that blonde female conductor! she is cool. heh heh.

i really love musical(:

music of the night, indeed.

-

i was dreading work. i kept telling myself, i will get another job i want to get another job i need to get another job!

because i hate hearing myself keep complaining about something and not doing anything to help!

so yea.
but didnt i said 'was dreading'?

surprisingly, i came to work feeling quite alright(: which is super duper goody! few emails arrived to keep me occupied for a short while. i started to adopt this one thing at a time rule. goodness. this can really keep me occupied for a reasonable amount of time and im glad about it.

to think about it, this job is good. both pay and working enviornment. i really should just appreciate(: hope my emotions wont kill me again.

or maybe today is brightened by that very morning message. which meant alot alot alot, but i will never tell you that. so much for being so busy, i dont even know when i can feel you again. i dont wish much, just dont snap the string.

i just had banana juice. it is sucha nice drink. yet Y said it feels like phlegm. and yes... eww... i feel like im swallow phlegm down my throat now.

omg~~~ wuu wuu wuu uuu*

reading your blog kills. i feel like a ghost in your story.
but, nvm.

ps. i want to go genting.

i want school to start soon.

<3 lousiestephanie

wanyan, i guess the ride up did not last me enough.

gravity sucks everyone down. to the core.

-

i wonder if anyone ever cry so much out of a sudden.

again, i felt tears welling up in my eyes, then overflow. again, i ran to the toilet. again, i had to squat down to hug myself. again, i had to silent myself. again, i had to calm my breathing.

again, i felt beyond helplessness.

if i tell you what is happening, you will be gone for sure.

but this time, i did not even mouth a single word (to you, to everyone). as much as i dont want to receive an expected reaction, i dont want you to feel that i am troubling you.

i never want to be.

something is wrong. but i dont want to know exactly what. because i know i cant handle.

if you are thinking that i am upset over my failure to keep my love by my side, maybe you should start to realise what is life about. life is about life.

shouldnt you start to worry if you might not even be able to live to see the sun the next day.

i dont need a checkup.

-this post is not by jiamin. believe it or not.

the sky seems a little brighter
the air smells a little fresher
i feel a little lighter

heh(:

no matter how cheesy it sounds.
happiness is a choice.

now, taste the freedom
to choose how happy you want to be.

a little Happy or
super duper Happy!

no matter what. it is still gonna be the capital H!

the 5 senses are the reality.

6th sense. it is the instinct...
just to warn but not to haunt.

keep moving forward *shoots fireworks and lots and lots of fireworks!*

somehow, i can never deny this happiness i own.

(:

at least im sure i wont cry through this night again.

i have changed. changed so much...

i cant help but to feel disgusted by my reactions and replies to certain incidents, certain people.

words flew out of mouth just like that. i really wish i could grab them back. instead of hearing more sarcastic comments hurting everyone around, trying so hard to outsmart each other. it is tiring. so what you 'won'?

i rather step back.

because i know i can never get over self. because i know i mind way too many things.

i really have to think well before i act or say. think well. think very well.

life is all about making choice.

but life, as a whole, is never a choice.

runaway runaway runaway. i cant believe that i burst out crying at my desk. i cant believe i had to run to the toilet. i cant believe i lost strength and fell to the floor. i cant believe i had to use my hand over my mouth to silent my crys. i cant believe my eyes swell so badly. i cant believe i cant even breath properly. i cant believe i was that stuck at the toilet for minutes.

i cant believe i cant stop.
i cant believe i lost control of myself.

i want to go, i want to go.

i want to leave my workplace,

but i have no where to go.

except home,

but i have no thing to do.

except sleep,

but that cant last me for long.

today will be a blog excessive day, because i have no one.

sometime ago, i thought i will die in an accident. cos i always end up dashing out of the road whenever i want to escape from the sight of a cat.

but now, i know how exactly i will die.

suicide.

im not suprised.

yea. maybe the font is so small that you didnt even realise that is the word. or rather... you just dont even bother to figure out.

have you ever felt like you are the least important being on Earth?

well, i did.

he just walked past, without bothering to introduce me. yea, i felt like some spirit that is floating there. this is the second time, she did that previously.

but nah, i dont mind. because i really dont matter. there.

i cant be cool about everything. i cant say i dont mind anymore... because some people just really matter alot to me.

cold cold cold...

dont bother...

if i dont make a sound,
you dont even know that ive gone.
lousylousiest

BIG BAD DAY. my poor phone is lying at home. i bet it is emo-ing being lonely.

though it doesnt make much diff since no one contacts me, i still miss it super much. i just feel handicapped without it~~~

emo emo emo emo emo emo emo , super emo emo emo emo emo emo, super duper emo emo emo emo emo emo emo... emo emo emo emo... emo... emo...

NAH! not that serious. because it really doesnt make a difference.

i just hope today will be a good day for me. please! better luck kae.

till we are old, stay with me.
jiamin

like why?

why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why

<3, i hope today will be a good day.

LOVE-li-est

i am always very happy beginning of the week! especially tuesday, it makes a cheery mean!

the week didnt start off good, in fact, really quite bad. first of all, a job which is supposed to start this week, is being called off and my job agent failed to inform me until i asked her for the details. everything was so last minute that all my grabbing money plans are destroyed. next, a very bad news which hitted my family.

can never forget the times you teased me and your ways of cracking us up. i still wish you didnt leave us in such a hurry. uncle, we will miss you greatly. (i know i cant tear anymore when i think about you because that will only add on to the pain of your loved ones. but i really cant stop...)

-

monday was fulfilling. movied(: and went jap class. i starting to appreciate sensei's sense of humour. or rather, i will tend to laugh with him when he starts laughing to himself. amusing eh? =b and i better start to buck up on my jap, or else i will just be pouring money away. basic class is ending!

tuesday was even better(: went for another movie again. mr bean is really funny kae! what a storyline~ v(^o^)/ ate crystal jade which is so so... but i like! gee. okay. then i went for HIPHOP @ oschool. hell, it was so fun! ryan skipped the crunches though... was rather disappointed of the less vigourous warm up cos i want my abs! haha. but still, fun fun fun. new song, new steps. everyone is getting more comfortable in the studio. ye-e-e-ah~ i love my babes there(: (but no hiphop next week. big boo hoo. i want to go aus with ryan. really. because i really want to go aus.)

and today! i end up working at this good old place, for a really short time though. (yes, i can sense money rolling in~)

it seems to be a lucky day.

im praying really hard it will be so. at least until the end of today, please...

and tmr is my favourite 5.

<3+mean

excessive blogging is bad for health. mean, you are sucha lonely soul.

but just one last thing, i need a peaceful sleep.
dont let me wake up in tears again. it is way too tiring to worry for something in the day and the night, consciously, unconsciously.

you are my sunshine, my only sunshine. (typical emo song. ha! lol~)
+mean

a very very very bad day.

i have been giving myself more than enough days and time, maybe it is time to check what is really wrong with me and face the reality. even if it means i have to undergo a cut...

i think being well, is more important.

and i have to convince myself to that.
+mean

(i cant even bring myself to tell you about it. oh God.)

we went on a holiday to somewhere. i didnt know why, but she was there as well. we played and enjoyed while she was there looking at us, that made you conscious to not look so happy with me...

i heard her crying to her pal during the quiet night, when you were already sound asleep beside me. it hitted me so hard that i could hear myself cracking inside.

i could only remember that i left you a note in the morning saying, "dearest, go ahead and be with ********..."

i continued to walk aimlessly in the resort till you finally found me. i smiled and explained why i have to leave. you didnt understand, neither did you say anything to hold me back. though you held me in your arms but that aint enough.

i placed my left hand on your head and messed up your hair a little. like what i always do, i tried to feel for your ear. tears fell this time. "baby, can i not say goodbye...", i whispered into your ear.

"we will never say...". your soft words filled my mind.

despite all, i knew i have to leave. and i saw her shadows in the background.

then i woke up in tears again.

bits and pieces of another disturbed sleep.
+mean

i think i am going to be happy very soon.

...

just because...

...

money is rolling in!

moolah moolah, i love moolah moolah~ (sing with me!)

my account is running dry a few days ago and now, it is dried! but soon, it is gonna drizzle a little and it will be watered. yay yay. i hope someday, someone will flood it! pleaseee~

anyway. i feel like using the little money i earned this time to upgrade my computer. try to make it a little more decent looking, and also less retarded. gagaga. then i can install more programmes like photoshop/fireworks/flash/... blahblah, mainly to master those which can help in designing. oh well... money~money~

that is why, i still believe money can buy happiness.

just depends on what kind. but, to the shallow mean - MONEY CAN BUY MANY MANY KINDS OF HAPPINESS(SSSSSSSS)

:D

i woke up tearing really badly. my pillow was like so wet that i thought i drooled. (eh, maybe i did, but who cares =b) and i start wondering how do i look when i was crying in my sleep. was i whining loudly or weeping or just tearing? i felt really tired when i woke up then.

i cant quite remember the storyline. but i knew who made me cry so hard in my sleep.

i ran out of breath
+mean

(April's Fool is nothing without evil classmates. i miss them =/)