The Spinster's

and that was meant for yesterday.
(but again, now is already 2 days after that yesterday. eh. whatever =b)

blogger ate my post when i was finally free from work assignment at ard 1700hrs. i was in sucha rare goody goofy mood that i cant feel anything else. ohwell, ate my post, okie~ *winks

just to sum up.
1. surprised company lunch.
a free lunch is always deeply appreciated by a poor hungry soul. and i love how noisy and chatty colleagues were! they were discussing about company trip and i really wish i can make it there with them too. they were deciding on Bali. aaaawwww. endless spasssss and photoshotsssss of the beauty thereeeee!
2. colleague getting married!

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but now, i think smiling is only serve as a purpose to look better.

bye,
+mean

i am just wondering why didnt i update anything about my Shanghai trip. it is like a BIG WOO HOO thing to me, cos i have not get to step out of Singapore for God knows how many years.

hmm... waiting for pictures. they speak a thousand words.

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anyway. time seems to be running today, unlike its usual turtle speed. it is less tormenting and im so glad about it.

anyway, there is no nagging stuff to rant about. but i have something to say and that is... i had hell lot of fun at OSCHOOL yesterday night with my rv babes! when was the last time i perspired like a pig hur~? it was great to move with the music, just dance and laugh! and i guess it is the people around that makes it fun. im so looking forward to the next lesson! and im praying hard that i can make it(:

say HI to my place at the office~
it is just a little messy. had my notebook and stationary out to practise my jap. and yep, im flooding the table with all my personal things. ps. i love the wallpaper, black keyboard (which is damn nice to pokepokepoke!) and the black mouse.

i need to breathe with you again!
<3 +mean

in every aspect.

some people are born with everything. and because they have everything, they are again attracting, everything everything to them. so in the end, they really have everything everything everything! ohwells, that is life, which is meant to be unfair.

hmm... at least let me have something something something. so even when i lose something... and maybe again, something, i will still have something. haha~

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the world is becoming more and more unfeeling. i watch how people continue to walk by, not giving a slightest concern to what is happening to their surroundings. perhaps, they are just blind. but not really, everyone stops in their way for a show, when a random fight broke out on the street, or even driving their cars in circles just to observe the aftermath of a road accident.

some time ago, i had to help an old lady up to my seat on the mrt train. (no one near stood up to give up their seat to her and she had to sit on the floor) held her hand and carried her stuffs as well. at least no desperate soul rushed to my empty seat, or else im gonna get really crazily mad.

then yesterday, it was drizzling in the morning. everyone just opened their umbrella and held it above their head and walked off. then i see an old lady unsheltered, setting off. i was still semi unconscious due to the early hours, but rushed towards her while trying to get the dua ang umbrella outta my messy bag. it just seems to be the most natural thing to me, when i came up to her and asked her where she was heading. she smiled and said, somewhere very near. i would have sheltered her anywhere. but ya, she then next took out an umbrella from her bag. haha! good for her.

both told me, "xie xie ni. xiao jie, ni de ren hen hao."

i guess they are just choices. some people just choose to help. some dont, they just ignore.

i have a goody colleague. not only she looks good, she sounds good, she does good. have been lunching with her for days, we were approached to buy tissue packs twice. and she bought them twice. she also said 'i dont need the change' twice. i casually asked her, 'eh, why? u have tissue packs with u already' and she just answered me 'shouldnt say no to old people~'

i think i have angels around me.

and i hope you are still with me.
<3 +mean

inside out.

heh. just because i have nothing to do currently. i am at work, yet disturbing victim after victims on msn. thats the constant. what about the variables? i cant decide whether to continue photoshopping pictures, or downloading songs, or reading interesting webstuffs, or... i dont know. maybe i should just continue to play with my roller chair and drown myself with free drinks at the dispenser. (note the word 'continue', meaning, i have been doing those)

not exactly something to be proud of. my boss is so gonna fire, shoot and bomb me if he get to read this. i should just be glad for all these incentives at my workplace(:

but it is creating this sense of emptiness within me. it may sound okay, because i can do anything as long as i remain conscious in this seat in the office. laughs. but at the same time, there are only that much things for me to do. and i am starting to feel useless? well, not that extreme. but~ ZZZ! =b

ironically, i realise to live the world with you, i have to learn to be independent. and really independent. because no one knows when the wind is going to come, and snap the string, which is pulling so tight.

so... i need a wind-breaker! wahaha =b

+mean

A complimented me for my angsty entries.

my words sound suicidal. gloomy life. nothing is good. everything is so so so bad. bad bad bad!

pathetic.

actually im guilty of not acknowledging any of happy lamps around me. they are shining so bright. yet im wearing sunglass, just to be emo-ly cool.

bot-tledup is the only outlet for my weary emotions. or else, ya, i will just be bottling up everything in me, my pea-sized brain and heart.

anyway. those who chanced by this site, just tag(: i know my words have been scaring everyone away. though bot-tledup contains absolutely no substance, statcounter still jumps. (yea, evilmean did discreetly attached that) there is no need to guess why, cos A already claim that he refreshes my page often, just to smash my little imagination of having a considerably amount of readers. sheesh!

and W, you are such an angel to message me out of the blue. those words are comforting(:

i should sleep soon. gee.

+mean

i continued to sit there and hang a smile on my face. pretending pretending pretending. she kept looking across, at me, who wasnt having the ball. i am not totally clueless but i hope i am not reading too much into her actions. and her eyes.
let me be left. i have been right almost everytime. about you.
and please, i beg the bees to stop stealing nectar from the flower.

i cant afford to lose.

but i can never do anything

to keep you by my side.

i hope i am still someone good. to you.

you were able to sense my signals of helplessness in my words. i sent out neutral words and im just glad for the fast reply. at least, it makes me feel less lonely and actually noted, in the cold night.

then i knocked out in my bed.

I don't want. I'm still holding on to it.
maybe all she need is time.
i'll wait for her.
I will never let it go.

She's my everything.
i swear to god about that.
I didn't want to hurt her.
I want to make her a happy person.
looks like i've failed.
I need her.
I'll do all cost to mend her wound up.
ALL COST.

to me, these words meant the whole world.

i am feeling so so so sore.

why do humans have to be my worst enemy?

sometimes, it just doesnt matter to some, if they are hurting anyone else, so long they get what they want.

why? i dont get it.

A said my blog is full of angst. how true...

something, someone else.
i have no word to explain my unfeeling emotions. and also, my feeling for you. i want yet i cant. too many complications. and fateless coincidences. i wish it is true that you care because you bother to remember things which i often secretly hope so. i have learnt... this is the only way to keep you by my side. be my friend.

but sorry for being sucha bad friend. always forgetting you. and things about you.

yet, you are still there.

hey! im back from Shanghai:D

everything is great!

but have you ever felt so totally replaceable?

i dont exist.

i feel sick.

flu and sore throat...

i cant sleep.

i realise i dont detest cheating.

it is betrayal.

it is along betrayal that makes me so sore...

again and again

you dont even know why i have to leave.

i remember telling someone that, "life will be back to normal after today. it doesnt matter if today is worse or better off for you, tomorrow is a brand new one." and i realised how naive i have been, how simple and cheap my thoughts are.

i have been taking things way too easy hur?

indeed, i should never let my mind rest until i made the most situable decision out of the limited options i have. serve me right for all the tiring mess i have created for myself. if only i put in more effort to make sure my grades are just right to get me through this round.

if only, if only, if only. so what, i have failed.

and i am tired of myself. i made excuses, lied, disappointed those who care.

i am such a sick person.

but right now, at least i am sane enough to know i need to do something to ensure my next step is a right one. i just need a little strength.

random stuffs.

-even if that piece of paper is really important, so long it is something you arent proud of, it doesnt matter where you place it and if you are ever going to see it again. i have only seen that paper once, and i think it is enough. call me an escapist.

-thanks for the concern. all really appreciated. you are the one most unexpected and i really feel like crying in your chest for that moment, but i know i cant.

-i may look or sound seriously depressed. but i am alright. i am just so sorry to disappoint.

-when a situation arrived, it forces you to think what you really want. i realise i really want to be an air stewardess... shallow thought... but ya. that is it. the question is, when?

-a message which said, "patpatpatpat, i still love you (:" scared me. my heart dropped and seriously, i thought i had a heart attack. it tightened me so hard that i couldnt breathe, until my eyes moved and saw who the sender was. thanks goodness... it was/wasnt a mistake.

-i love you, like always.