The Spinster's

Jolly people, it is once again the "I hate" season in my narrow-hearted world.

I hate super duper fuber luber hell-lot of stuffs now. Whatever, my annoying self is still No.1. I have no idea how can someone get so frustrated with one self. Hmph.

Anyway, I hate this little spot here; reminding me how worthless my memories are.

And I am here to declare I am the lousiest grand-daughter of the century. I miss you, grandma.

I can't handle life, neither death. I am so sorry...

For a change, I am going livejournal. Bye.

Too short for a proper goodbye.

Overflowing of tears, tightening of chest, aching of hearts; she was in pain.

Grandma, you didn't even tell us where you are going. Gonggong cried, he misses you.

We all do.

I just wish for a minute more to keep you warm. I miss you. Please come into my dreams.

(Not a happy post.)

I don't know why; I feel an unknown, powderfully-strong angst within me. And it feels especially terrible on such supposed-happy occasion, for I can't sincerely express myself through rolling-of-eyes-etc-actions and go-and-***-la-etc-lines. :/

I feel so highly volatile.

But yeah, first, I have to know WHY? I hate it when I don't know answer to my own problem. (lets just say, normally, i do know. but again, abnormality is such a norm. boo.)

URRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~~~~

Now I feel so ultimately-depressed. This is bad... this is bad... this is bad...

An event that cannot be missed. Even if it takes hours to 1)queue, 2)queue and 3)queue again, standing for 2.5hours through the blast of music and shrieks of electric guitar. It is all worth for...

MAYDAY!

This was the 1)queue; for the tickets. So.Not.Fun. For the very-unpro me, I did not equip myself well enough with entertainments to keep myself occupied through the hours. No books, no pokers, no nothing. Favourited NDS was not very available and anyway, I was stuck in Phoenix Wright then, at some stage where I can't "HOLD IT!". Blah! But yeah, the Ticket was everything! A free Mayday concert! Definitely an unleashed of fangirl-ism. Hohoho~ Eh... for those who have yet to been a Mayday concert... tsktsk, you won't understand the adrenaline rush.

The (free) Concert! I can't help to emphasize that it is a free concert, the aunty-ism in me never dies. It was really really good. (Except that GuanYou wasn't there, BUT I really like The Drummer playing that day. Hahaha!) They played songs which I really like and Ashin sounds so electrifying as usual. Woohoo! Never in any other concert you would be able to see Singaporeans waving their arms and forming letters just as told. There were thousands of light sticks too. It was superb! Ashin was really gooooood! Hahaha. The aftermath was sore legs plus ringing ears. But yeah, Ashin was really goooooooood! :D

Yeah, just for a handshake from him! (Pictures were snapped mercilessly at him, using Mrs Monster's cam. Haha.)

I think a big part of this entry is incomprehensible, if you just don't understand what's the big deal. But, oh wells, at least the graphics I've done up are really quite-pretty right? (: Credits to fellow Mayday-ians for the pictures.

A very late HELLO to 2009 (here)! As it claims to a brand new year... but err, it feels nothing like one. Yeah, besides my very-mundane-boring daily schedule of lectures and tuitions, I'm having so much fun with the same old people! :D

Some events which I ought to blog about... (soon!)

MAYDAY freeeeeeee concert
Cindy's 21st! (disastrously fun~)
June's Bday Dinner (steamingly hilarious! hahahaa)
Vivien's 21st! (omg, so very-vivien!)

Hohohooooo. :D:D:D Life is good! Just that I have ultimate unglam photos lurking around in the stupid site; facebookdotcom. And I am ultimate dumb when it comes to using that site.

I.Just.Don't.Know.How!

I have given up on ALL the application-shits (nobody bothers about that already, right?), still trying to reply people through walls (errr... HUH? HOW? WHAT? I don't even quite know how to reply messages in inbox. hahahaa!), still don't know if it is morally-correct to untag ZOMG-unglam photos which very-nice friends have tagged mui. Haha!

So yeah, basically, I guess I am just so momentarily paralyze whenever I arrive at facebookdotcome, upon seeing the unglam photos of mui, mui and mui! Like you know, so-completely horrified that my fingers can't click.

Hahahahaaa, still the same old mui; I can't stop when complaining starts.

2008, you are still left with 7hours and 11minutes.

You didn't start off great, and not anywhere near. A few minutes after you declared the following 365days to be yours, you arranged to me to meet up with this guy whom I later spent 1/12 of you to hangout/phonecall/forget this particular someone. That was January.

Thankfully, you were extremely non-exciting during February, March and April. Days were spent counting down to prelims, dreading prelims, procrastinating, (apparently the studying part was missing as a whole), and lastly, kena killed by prelims. (屮ﾟДﾟ)屮!

There came my favourite month, which turned out to be not-so favourited. MA(IN EXAMS)Y. But still, I had a blessed birthday. Thank you, friends. (:

I guess I loved you best at June. There was zero studies and work commitment. Holiday to BKK was checked off from my list of TO-DOs. Heh heh heh.

However, it is a known fact; Happiness doesn't last. I was sucked back to reality and workaholism began. July and August were... empty and that was depressing.

You took me on a roller-coaster ride in September. I was apparently brought to the peak of my ultimate suayness. Then, there was a chain of amusing unfortunates but after all woo-has and whatnots, the month ended greeeeeat; I'd got pretty cool results. Ohya, Twilight came into my life then too. Geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

It hitted me bad when I realised I had only one-quarter of you left, 2008. But instead of looking forward, I took a wrong turn by looking back; I missed 120504. I swallowed salty tears and went ahead to delete the years of memories. October, I didn't like this part of you too...

I guess I am best being back as Miss Practical, looking things as matter-of-fact. I-bloody-regret-!!!-incidents were greatly cutdown and I am really glad about it. November and December were spent peacefully with self.

You didn't turn out to be that bad afterall, except pretty wasted. I could have done alot more, like accumulating good karmas, opening of mind to experience more, keeping friends closer to heart... You know, I am tired of seeing of all the missed opportunity. Like you (2008), no one and nothing waits for me.

I am not going to end this year with a bang. Just going to spend the last few moments alone, hopefully with a cup of hot non-atas coffee and my '09 organiser. Because I know I need to plan my following 365 days much better.

2008 was a year about understanding of self, discovering what I really want/ want to be/ want to be remembered by people, learning to pick myself up from falls, growing up. I think I really appreciate what time has taught me. But wells, it never waits.

Good Bye, 2008!

A few days ago...

I was really really really sick.

That didn't make me any bit pitiful, likable, or rather submissively nice. (You know, like weak people always have this kindof aura of being submissively nice...) Instead, I irks everyone when I am sick.

Everything doesn't make sense when I am sick. The ZOMG-senseless thing is why do I have to go and see a doctor? Yes, keywords are 'go and see'! Beyond these 3 pathetic words, they meant... waitwaitwaitwaitwaitwaitwaitwaiTwaITwAITWAITWAITWAIT. WHY DO A VERY-SICK PERSON HAVE TO WAIT?

Of cos, I knew I had to see a doctor then, 'cos self medication didn't work and I was running a temperature. At this point of time, I wouldn't not even care if you offer $50 for me to fake a smile. I felt really horrible. I had to see a doctor. So, the wait began...

First, the lift. It took bloody long to reach, that few seconds just draaaaaaaagggg... I didn't even have the strength to push the lift button impatiently repeatedly, not that it is going to help, but I can't even express my impatience! Ok, so very-sick people HAVE to wait for lift, and CANNOT express impatience. Next, the walk to the clinic. I took bloody long to walk, my steps grew increasingly slow and weak that I can't even stand it! Ok, so very-sick people HAVE to travel on feet at very lousy speed. Lastly, the most unbearable of all, the bloody wait at the clinic!

The doctor took at least 10 minutes for every patient. If you think that sounds reasonable... do some maths. This will mean only 6 (max) in one hour. So, imagine you are the 7th, you have to wait for 1 hour (=60 minutes=360 seconds, remember how I cursed the stupid lift for taking that few seconds to reach me?). Anyway, I was "9" for my queue, but only waited through about 4 people, and they didn't look any bit sick, that made me terribly sore. Throughout the horrendous wait, I chanted this very-bad line... "我要死了.我要死了.我要死了.我要死了.我要死了.我要死了.我要死了.我要死了..." depressingly. Slowly, all the not-quite-sick/quite-sick/never-very-sick strangers started to sit all away from me, that made me a little happier. Ohya, my mum gave up correcting me and let me be that full-bloom irritant.

"我要死了.我要死了.我要死了.我要死了.我要死了.我要死了.我要死了.我要死了..." and so I continued.

Finally, it was my turn! This should feel like winning TOTO, but I was too pissed at the VERY-SLOW doctor. I planned to demand some sort of explainations from Dr. Slow and tell him how important it is for him to be faster, so he can cure more 要死了-patients like me. Just when the very-nasty me opened the door, I put all my thoughts away, I just need him to save me! As expected, he said my conditions were critical but I was really not anywhere near dying. Horror of all horrors, my consultation only took less than 3 minutes! whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?! Feeling very sore about that, I sat there in daze for a few seconds to think of weird questions to ask. "Are you sure 我真的不会死了?"

Told you, my fever was really high.