I am bloody angry at myself.
For believing words of SUMI. For depending on the VERY screwed up system. For taking things way too easy. For laughing with people at my results-less state. For WAITING and NOT doing anything to find out how screwed the situation I am in.
(Note: calling & flooding emails = NOT doing anything. Because things just END there.)
I decided that being nasty, getting hysteric, pressing the matter real hard, isnt gonna get the problem anywhere near solved. But I am SO WRONG.
I should have reacted violently days ago.
ME HATE ME. I totally blame it on myself.
I almost forgot that swallowing tears causes that much pain.
Of cos, not literally licking off stupid salty tears. (Yes, everytime i cry, i cry so much that know it tastes so, and till it becomes bland as i lose my senses.)
If you have ever tried so hard to hold back your tears, and especially angry tears, you will know how much it burns your throat.
I am really boiling mad at myself. I regard this as the worst emotion, since I have been alone more than ever.
I want to scream!