The Spinster's

I am okay. Life will get better.

Sometimes, I really think it is better not to turn your head around when you hear a strange noise in the room. Maybe your phone vibrated, maybe a cockroach is flying around, or just maybe... you will see a ghost.

Just an analogy.

Like you might see a bloody scene with broken limbs or what not, when you stopped to see the aftermath of a car accident, and thats enough for your day. Or you hide secretly to eavesdrop some conversation and only then you find out you are the hot topic in their unnecessary discussion.

Just an analogy.

We don't usually expect the outcome when we do something. Or maybe, we just can't. Curiosity kills. Often, things just get too unexpectedly wrong. It is never; A. Like this, B. Like That, C. Maybe this or that, or D. None of the above. But always; E. SURPRISE!!!

ha-ha- I never liked option E.

The only way to stop feeling... horrible because of others, is to move away from them all. I don't wish to feel the same whenever I chance onto those. But again, I should not feel that way because I have totally no right to. I feel betrayed.

This is just a 5-second thing. Because I always get reminded that I should say "I'm sorry" to you.

People say time pass the fastest with love ones around. But so sorry, I do not have a lover. I can rant on about how deprived I am from this BIGGG element in life, but I decided not to, because I will not know how to stop. Moreover, my eyes are getting smaller and that huge heart-shaped looking thingy can no longer fit into my vision.

Anyway, the point is... I think sweet stuffs satisfy me just as well. I had and still having a fairly large input of sugar lately. Bars after bars of chocolates, honey/fruity/milky drinks and sugary pastry. (I just realise I am lacking of ice cream which I know I am so gonna get it later!) Tried the new doughnuts in town - J.CO :D I can really finish up the whole box of 12 this time round if idea of sharing did not pop into my mind. So, byebye to Donut Factory and the unkempt-looking doughnut cutter guy @ suntec whom I can't quite forget. ha ha~

I like the idea of being cheered up without the initial idea of making one happy. I don't know if anyone get it. The problem is... it makes me stressed rather than happy to know you are trying so hard. But of course, I can't say how thankful I am to know I am still being cared for. Seriously, no one should taken anyone for granted. I know how it feels, exactly.

Your view on yourself:
Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, ~~so you will find yourself with plenty of dates~~.

Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:
Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

-

personality test is fun. the question puts you in a situation and you choose an option. then TADA, you are characterized into some flattering or nasty personality. i find the latter more probable most of the time. urhuh. weak.

i think this webbie is pretty good. do yours here! (i think im gonna have a craze for this. ha-ha-)

HA-HA-HA-HA-

i completed my work. i stalked fewer blogs (but still read afew. hawhaw~). i rejected an tuition assignment, meaning saved more time for myself. i watched BLEACH epi 165 from somewhere else, cos my favourite crunchyroll is too upright. i nua-ed. i revamped my blog AGAIN.

and of cos, i wished i could say "i revised". ha-ha- loser! :b

tomorrow gonna be challenging. i have things on but they dont flow. and i have no plans to fix them. creativity doesnt work here. management does, which i am seriously lack of.

i must have mistaken today as SUNDAY for the 894573times. (and yesterday as saturday for 894573 minus 1 times.) okok. so today is just saturday and, supermean, please cool down cos blue-y monday isnt here yet(: but shit, i missed my favourite wocai show. and i slept my whole shatterday away which 'sleeping' is supposed to be sunday's main programme. on another note, there was a chance to party off tonight but i just didnt go. i kindof want to get home near dawn when the air is still & cold, me left with partial hearing, me feeling and being numb. because everything is making too much sense now, i just want to lose a lil of it.

ate aijisen today and i have no idea why it tasted so good. got scared by the corpse/police scene thingy they setted up for Rule No.1, which i have no idea why they have to go to that extend to. did some shopping which i have no idea i spend moolah like water AGAIN. caught The Leap Years and i have no idea why it sounded too much like a fairytale. had tao huay for supper and i have no idea why i still dont fancy as much like the others.

and i caught this using $1. pardon that i (mirror) look like some ghost in the pic. someone above must have pitied that i have no talent (other than irritating people) and gave me this sortof talent in kiap-ing toys. i would make a good boyf material to cheer my girlf up... if that was ever the case.

ha-ha- i have alot to do. HELP!

i remember an advertisement where the daddy shuts off whatever unpleasantshits the tennis coach told him about his son. like, "your son has absolute no talent in playing tennis!". something like this and more. cancelling the little n-o word really makes a hell lot of different.

i guess i can only do like wise. more talking will only... create more unnecessary talkings. or mere excuses. action speaks louder than words.

on a brighter note, i met up with girlfs today. explored city plaza, shopped @ town, dinner-ed @ coke lounge (just because of the discount coupons), caught stepup2. I WANT TYLER! or at least, more of him. Channing Tatum is real cute. i swear i will buy a figurine of him (if they ever come up with one) and keep the miniature him in my pocket. eh... okay, bag is a better choice.

ogay. i have a few things up my TO-DO list again.
- materials for tuition*
- allocate district for 1400+ outlets (work stuff)*
- get TT from amk hub to revive my nds (which i am very lazy to get my ass down)
- wash clothes
- revision
- make cards!
- get another 2 for $20 from cotton-on (HAHA)
(...) * diedie have to be done this weekend

note: stop shopping, stop ogling online shopping sites, stop thinking i am contributing to the economy, stop retail therapy (though it works terribly well), stop... thinking money are meant to be spent!

i want a big fat piggy bank.

hello, i should be happy that i can still tabtab here. other than croaking away. all because of all the excessive talkings i did yesterday and today.

i dont know how you define the worst emotion, or what. for now, i feel accused. and to make it the worse, accused by the people you should trust / be trusted most. you feel so bad that you feel like running off, just to make sure they dont see your tears.

on top of that, i feel i am always labelled "never good enough" by them. i thought the least they should be glad about is me being independent. earning dollars through hardwork, and not just easy money of smile-and-pose job. paying for my own expenses. even friends-time is sacrificed. though i changed a phone, which you think is luxurious or wad, but the fact is i earned a profit after all the trouble i did to get discount and fetch N70's best price. i tried hard not to make money an issue. washing quite a portion of my own clothes. popping in pills like now, on my own, cos i am ill and i am never to complain. but, all i remind them of is me falling short in my academic. and so i had to enrol into sim. i am a burden to the family, and nothing else.

you know? i have no idea who to turn to, if i am even to be left behind... in the family.

tonight must be the worst night ever.

i walk around with a box of tissue hanging over my neck. i flood my dustbin with used tissues. i create noise pollution with sneezing sounds of all different pitches.

i. am. sick. shit.

:(((((((((((

~~- collect cheque from 8RR~~ 10/03/08
~~- get a haircut (plus, cheat for student price!)~~ 14/03/08
~~- shop for present and card materials~~ 12/03/08
~~- make card~~s 13/03/08
~~- birthday surprise!~~ 14/03/08
- revamp NDS
~~- call 1633 to checkout mobile promotions~~ 15/03/08
~~- check out N70's value~~ 15/03/08
(... and the list continues)

current no.1 to-do: GULP DOWN LOTS OF WATER.
i dont want to be down with sore throat. revision classes and work gonna start :((( no more bumming around in messy home.

loots: 2 pieces of cloths from net. 1 piece of floral cloth. 1 set of something purple. 1 yellow and 1 white cloths from mango. 1 pair of slipper. 1 pair of pink blink studs. 1 nokia 6500 slide. $170 -yes, this is a loot!

actually i spent alot more. but i ate all away. yum yum! :D

想念是会呼吸的痛
它活在我身上所有角落
哼你爱的歌会痛
看你的信会痛
连沉默也痛

遗憾是会呼吸的痛
它流在血液中来回滚动
后悔不贴心会痛
恨不懂你会痛
想见不能见最痛

gave everything away.

Koizora 『恋空』

ar... yes. i weep real bad for that show. (despite it being quite a melodramatic cliché.) i have no idea why love can be so beautiful, yet painful at the same time. my heart drops a little whenever i recall some scenes from the movie.

it is just a story. and no one is supposed to relate fiction to real life. (ok, maybe koizora is "true story" from somewhere.) but ya... it reminded me of you. alot of you. and maybe... you and i. it painfully reminded how we used to be each other's happiness, pillar of support and bliss. how things broke up into bits and pieces and we both got too weary and drained to fix them. how memories were scattered. how painful it is to remind myself not to remember any part of you.

ok... obviously, i got too carried away. but the story does say... a special someone will always have a part of you. be it years or... forever.

though i wish this is a lie.

watch the movie and find the reason in your tears(:

"we will forever be... in LOVE!" -koizora

"...find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person will still think the sun shines out your ass."
-from the movie, Juno

(the movie isnt exactly nice. somehow... it is just quite true. feels real.)

i guess i am really into all these romanceshits. like how i still think love is a perfect heart-shaped, tastes exactly sweet and never too sweet.

and maybe that's why being hurt and tears would just melt the love away.

i dont know. i have lost touch with that thing.

he is so o-m-g! his magic videos are top on my list now. taking out burgers, mobile phones, drinks from posters... out of no where. then putting them back. like how how how?! how he did that?!!! for eg, http://youtube.com/watch?v=vMGhifEUrPk

gee. i know all these are like years ago. but i am still very very fascinated. and i want to go japan, so maybe i can bump onto him and he can offer me a bite on burger from poster (i am v hungry now!). or any sort of magic. why dont i meet any magician on the street? i think it is seriously exciting to get scared by these tricks.

this is the worst scaryshit; http://youtube.com/watch?v=7lO7bnSy-Eo&feature=related

53xyback, u should watch these videos. it makes ur eyes go O.O!

no more 9hours of standing, "hello, looking for external hard disk?" x 53276/day, oversized polo, strange and out-of-my-world questionsss. im glad that IT show is OVER!

the main problem is that my IT knowledge is close to zero. plus, there was this quite aggressive competitor right beside my booth. sales were really difficult. and of cos, IT geeks chose to listen to their fellow male species instead. bumbum. i feel apologetic towards the superduper nice boss for not clearing up the stocks.

and i had this "my POA is damn screwed" ringing in my mind throughout the 4 days. yea indeed, i even skipped my paper yesterday. i am guilty!

but at least the day was well-spent. heh. though not on books. had the company of my fellow person-in-guilt. it was indeed a Bimbotic day (with a capital B!) with her around! haha. sang k and headed town to get our nails done(: i bet we look eccentric with our way of handling utensils when we eat. so much for being hungry ghosts and afraid of damaging our newly painted nails. all our actions following after the mani & pedicure session were really weird. but nvm, i have nice french nails now! :D :D :D it is quite a good deal(: feels good to pamper myself once in a while, (especially after hardwork at IT fair!).

ok, i am going to update my list of TO-DOs. failed to complete quite a few due to oversleeping and lousy weather. gua gua~

and i am so gonna to draw up my mugging timetable and make sure i follow it. i had a really bad scare during mocks this time round. not gonna let it happen again, or else i will be bawling my eyes out on my journey across singapore. (main exam held @ expo! how dreadful :/)

TATA!
ps. dear friends, i miss you!

im so afraid i will forget something again.

i have like a whole list of not-important-but-i-HAVE-to-do-things. and of cos, very-important-and-i-just-have-to-remember dates. my brain is really failing me. ohmy...

and of cos, a whole chunk of memories to be deleted. again, i dont have much of a choice, but to leave it aside. for now... and ever. i never like to take rollar coaster rides.

:(:(:( next post shall be all about funny-shit updates. like... ha-ha-

happiness = bubbles, happiness = bubbles, happiness = bubbles

!!!

they burst. and of cos they burst! like what do they do, other than bursting?! and in just a peewee-second, you feel the emptiness right in it.

that's it.

:O :O :O

i need to do yoga or mediate to calm myself down. omfg. BLARHHH!

also, i think a friend should go to hell for pissing her friend off.

and so, im so gonna go to hell.

@#$%^&*()@#$%^&*()@#$%^&*(!

like... i dont know i dont know i dont know!

i just want to meet up with my girlfriends. i need my input of sweet sinful food and nonsensical romance movies.

once again, i think i am messing up my... already-very-much-messed-up-life. letting people down and shutting people out. like how difficult it is to apologise when you already know it is your mistake, and you are at fault? silence is not always golden. how difficult is it to tell another someone that you are really upset... and you have no idea what you can do anymore?

and worst, words dont come out from your mouth the way you want.

at times like this, i miss pouring my emotions out to you. because you knew how to dry my tears the way i needed.

but forget about never ever. so, i choose to cover everything with silly looks and lies. believe it or not, i never want my life to be such a joke to people.

nevermind.

and i dont know why... seems like i am giving up on my POA. i feel so much like a total disappointment.