it must have taken alot for him to stay on till his last breath was taken away.

was it painful?

i doubt so. deciding on the no return route has already shown that his heart was numb enough. or at least not for him, it isnt as painful and hurting as how his love ones are feeling now.

perhaps it only takes one phonecall at that moment like "hey, lets go MENOTTI tonight to gobble some half-priced cake after 10pm!" to push that devil in him away and get him back of track.

you know... constant care and concern, and of cos, support. no matter what is the reason(s), we can make it through the rain.

why didnt someone hold on to his hand till the very last? why did he choose to wind up his window and deny all the love around him?

he chose the easy way out.

(i am not surprised. i always know how weak humans are.)

I am tired. I need a hug.

-BIG HUG- to RED IPOD NANO. i n m y d r e a m . . .

seriously i think all gadgets should be in RED HOT. bloody red that is. not ang bow red. digi cam, handphone, mp3... *gasp* EVEN DS LITE! yea, i saw it across some website that day but i highly doubt it is an original. arrr~~~ reddd~~~

but but but! i still indulge in BLACK! *kissesmyblackdslite* i still love you but i think you need some maintainance in your appearance. too much dust trapped between you and your protector. sorry for endless, violent pokings and scratchings on your screen. because i know you know that i know you know that and that i know you know that i know you know that... and because i know you know... *sticktongueout* ... that i love you, that is why i think you will understand.
give me some time to give you a new look... and also to calm the memories trapped in you.

i wacked 92 hammies and broke the record of 91. i should be jumping till i knock the ceiling, but instead, i was still very much sucked to the ground.

-

yesterday i was quite engrossed reading my book on train, laughing a little to myself now and then, (yea, bimbotic story book always amuses me), and this dumbdumb guy sitting beside me somehow caught my attention. or rather he and his girlfriend were kindof disturbing. his girlfriend was trying to talk to him and her pitch and volume kept increasing everytime she tries. i glaced sideway and saw the boyfriend doing all sorts of hand signs which doesnt look right. ohman... is he deaf? poor thing... BUT, why is he having this earpiece at his ears? then i saw the both of them (gf &bf) doing all sorts of hand signs followed by awful laughters.

uhuh! stupid couple acts.

but for that moment, my heart tightened. ouch.

-

sis' friend's friend's bought a diamond ring this month to escape from the evil 7% GST. mind you, it costs a freaking sum of $$$30k. the increase of 2% is... *punchcalculator* = $600.

but that is not the problem/issue/helluva big exclaimation mark!

the point is... 30k = my uni course feeeeesssss.

damnnnnittttt..........now i will start to see diamond ring as degree certificate which equates to future which brings more money which brings happiness which which which *CRYOUTLOUD* im so gonna get freaking agitated by the sight of another diamond ring!!!

ar... but i still love diamond ring~~~

forget it, anyway, i am attaining divinity! junk food-ing, SENSELESS SHOPPING, brand sucking, verbal swearing, bad mouthing... weird desires (which includes sexual). uhuh, practising abstinence. AMITABHA!

on serious note, please shine some light on me.

i am really trying very hard to handle everything on my own.

i am tired. i need a hug.

wo shi huang jiamin.

and that spells alone

meanmean is sooooo goooood at creating blogskin~
sooooo goooood at designing~~~

meanmean woo~ meanmean woo~
MEANMEAN WOO WOO WOO~~~

(= . =;;;) *shivers*
i feel totally crazy.

breathless breathless...
i cant make it out of the rain. isnt it? i cant make it...

i read up so much to find out whats up with html, sql, database, networking, java... i am never an IT geek and definitely dont find much truth in endless codes. i dont understand everything. i was just trying to find some connection between the both of us.

but what is the point of doing so.

same goes to still picking up drumsticks when the best i can do is still just single stroke roll.

i really dont understand. and that is how little i know of you now. somehow memories fail me, time keeps ticking anti-clockwise, i still thought you still have this long fringe at the side and your hair requires quite some time to dry before you can head for bed. i still thought you are going sentosa with me again.

this is so crazily pathetic.

and mummy, i beg you, i dont want to stay at the cave again.

i dont want...

wait a moment... i even thought of working like a cow for years to save enough money to go overseas, just because you said you wish to further your studies in australia.

but no, never, will i make it there. will i? never... why?

why do i feel that the whole world is laughing at me?



goodness...

累了, 就哭 哭了, 就睡 睡了, 就醒 醒了, 就笑

笑了... 又累了...

真的好累...

----- ------------ ----

tonight, im heading to stayover at cave :(
people, message me when u see this. for the only thing i see there is air... :(

when did the dark clouds stop right above?

-jiaminjiamin

bleh. craving for sushiii,salmonnn,friedtofuuu,prataaassss,paopaochaaa~~~ *faint*

my hero:D

what are impossibles? i have seen, heard, read so much... i think it is just a matter of mindset, and of cos, efforts.

-

listening to 五月天-离开地球表面 has this cranky effect on me. really feel like throwing all the stuffs away and just keep jumping around, till my pea brain fly outta my nutty head.

old school rock. i like~ *GRIN* i like old school old school old school~~~

heyhey, anyway, i have no idea why i have been so hyped up nowadays too *jumpjumpjump*

"steph, you are such an angel!"
"arrr steph, i love you~~~"
didnt they realise im being paid to work too? (((: but yes, these words do wonders.

(HAHA. im so random!)

anyway, im high on Linkin Park now(;

<3jacksparrow's

baby, i cant believe i am feeling so CHEERY!

super duper juper fuber luber happieee ~~~

for no good reason *winks*

it has been long... (:

jumpy jumpy jiamin jiamin~~~<3

rainy days are here again. i miss the fluffy clouds and blueblue sky. arrr~~~ i need warmth!!!

i wonder if i even deserve this little break i have given myself today.

i hate it when i am being forced to grow up. hmm... or maybe i should say, behave like my actual age. i admit i dont act like i am 19 most of the time. being the youngest in the family, i dont find the need to. but now... i really have to think alot more.

i am so afraid to make another wrong move. it is like a slippery slope. you just keep falling after that... and everything else.

i should cherish all the time i have now, while i can still look out of the window; picturing fluffy clouds as lovely shapes and things as they float across the sky so blue. but in the future, to me, time will only equate to money.

love ones will still be love, like always(: be it a physical thing, a new interest i have picked up recently, or a life long passion. i will grab tight to everyone and everything next to me now.

happiness is indeed a choice.

my friends touched me~~~<3 \(*v*)/

ps. i really love you alot daddy. please clear your mind and be with me. nobody falls behind in the family, you will be more than alright.

"u know when people say double trouble. there is really some truth in it. and like if u think u are already drenched in a downpour, wet to the skin, it cant possibly get any worse. i tell u, you are so wrong. u might just get striked by the lightning."
-quoted from my indeed very cool friend

i cant agree more. one after another... no, one on top of another. i can hardly breathe.

papae, please come home early everynight. i dont want to worry for you. come home and take a look at me, let me accompany you.



yesterday i danced till my knee hurts. i continued to do the moves alone at home till i found my knee is swelling. and i continued. the more i try, the more i couldnt sleep.

and i finally know who you are.

words. so did you feel better after saying it? or you wish you didnt?



today, i continue to hide behind my oversized sunglass and put on that diamond ring, apparently, oversized too...

hi,

she cant be more right. i dont even know what i want. first, i squeezed myself into an holy institution and then all i did was praying hard everyday that knowledge would shine through me. apparently nope, the light missed my pea brain. so much so for the entire 2 years, it seemed to cost my whole life a total waste. she asked me what makes me so sure that i can cope with u when i cant in pre-u. she cant be more right, i dont even know what i am able to do anymore.

because the course costs a bomb. it is a bomb. maybe not to you. but yes, for my family. first year may be still alright. what about the second or the third? she said it will be a joke if i cant complete the course due to finanical problem which is already in existence and expected. who and what will i be then? no where to go, again.

she cant be more right. i know it is hollow at the bottom, yet i am choosing to step on the thin plank. i am always thinking i weigh light and am capable. a weight still weighs. and a weight can be a burden, anytime.

she is right... i agree... but why cant she phrase her words... in just another way.

it hitted me so hard that i could hear myself cracking inside.

i have lost count of how many wrong decisions i have made. just like months ago, i told you out of the sudden that i regretted alot on stuffs i chose to give up on. now is all about, all i have not done, and also did. and now, i can only tell all, to myself.

last night, i slammed myself onto the bed and hid into the blankets. shaking with hot tears. i could only hug myself but couldnt calm myself down. where are you... i nearly bit my tongue so hard that it bled, i wanted to silent my crys but i ended up being louder than ever. no one dared to open up the blankets, the family must have thought it is a stranger hiding inside.

i reached out for my bag and popped in the remaining panadols dry.

woke up looking like a dead goldfish.

today, i continue to hide behind my oversized sunglasses and put on the diamond ring, apparently oversized too. the ring shines like your smile, just like how you never fail to brighten my days. but now, i realise how your smile and everything does not belong to me anymore.

i stink.

fivefivefivefivefive

shouldnt it be fine? just because they rhyme. apparently not =/

screwed up interview because of a lao kok kok chinese man. it was bad enough to make me skip my meal and dutifully return back to work and slogged for hours.

thankfully. PIRATES save the day. or rather captainjacksparrow~~~<333 finally caught that movie after work today. blessed with good timing, good seats, angelic friends(((: i love that show duper duper duper much.

seriously, please go and watch that movie! grab the dvds of first two parts then catch At World's End @ the cinemaaaa!!! very worth it (to me to me to me!) i am considering watching it the second time, if someone wanna watch it too~



but guess what? i still feel miserable. laughs~



because, stopping at where i am standing, i know i am failing, in all i am doing.



可不可以...不放开

hey bobo...

do you know? it is favourite 5 again.

we could have been 30.



it hurts.

chains of words keep ringing so loud in my mind.
even when i shut my eyes so tight,
i still see you saying out the exact same words i wish you didnt.



god knows how many panadols i have taken.

i cant be poisoned. my digestive system has been working more fine than ever. i run for the toilet umpteen times every morning before i can get my ass outta house for dreadful work.

i am complaining yet not doing anything to help. thats what i exactly hate about myself.

i am going to change that.



please do not become someone whom i do not know of, anymore. i dont want to lose the sight of you.

yesterday night was the night! :D

final home final home final home final home
五月天 五月天 五月天 五月天
ohman. the concert was a blast! almost no one could hold themselves to their seat they paid for. the atmosphere was really terrific. hands were everywhere and everyone was moving to the music. it felt as if everyone in the hall was connected, too close for being strangers. everything was great, really.

i wish that night would not end

that was my blog entry for the previous concert 'Final Home'. just replace those words with JUMP! then(: the rest of everything is the same. especially the last line.

i was smiling inside out throughout the whole 3+hours. singing shouting along with ashin though my hokkien sucks. really love 五月天's songs. but at the same time, not reading much into the lyrics. save the tears. i love you bo mang~~~

(i know this entry for the concert is a lil disappointing. but it reflects a lil of the concert then...)


another lazy sunday again. headed for bed at 3am with painful eye, ringing ears, heavy heart. woke up hours later in the late morning. gulped down awful breakfast and headed back to bed at noon. woke up seeing a dark sky and i wonder what is life all about.

i had several different dreams due to waking, falling, waking, falling and waking and falling back into sleep. i dreamt of my love. i dreamt of a stranger whom i have no idea who, but he really took my heart away. i dreamt about a fun, but disgusting looking, retarded computer game which i just cant stop playing. i think i will very much love to live in my illusions.

i cant actually believe i can sleep for hours, and still, very much want to continue to do so.



fall back into the chest i find much comfort in.
the hug gives me much strength to walk on.
everything means too much.

when i have no where to run and i want to avoid/escape, i pretend to sleep. and then, i really fall asleep.



you felt your heart being squashed and breathing stopped...



i lost that crystal red earring i bought. that affects me duper much. how can i live without you.

WAHHH!!!

BLACK FRIDAY!!!

WAHHH!!!

why am i still at the freaking office~~~ o(>.<)O

"can you come by my table soon, i need to show..."
"nooo~ i dont want~~~"
*laughsssssssssssssssss*

office maddness. codes are the killer.

i neeeeed foooood!
the only good thing about today is yakun's cold barley drink~<3

Got sick of colours. :(

wenbin jacelyn cindy shuheng huiwen calista celestine vivien alan cheehui evelyn caleb tengyong

200612 200701 200702 200703 200704 200705 200706 200707 200708 200709 200710 200711 200712 200801 200802 200803 200804 200805 200806 200807 200808 200809 200810 200811 200812 200901 200902

.fourth!Romance is the designer.
Inspiration from Exuvalia and mintypeach.