either here or there. i dont need a fence to sit on. amibiguity is an irritant.
shall do new year post soon. i realise it is quite important to make some effort to recap and recall what happened in the previous year as u moved into another. and resolutions, yesyes, please at least give a slight thought about them. a rough idea will at least direct u somewhere.
why do we have to go through life? we could have just die whenever we make mistake or meet up with difficulty. but ya, we have to live on, because we learn as we experience. for every step and every decision, dont make the same mistake twice. it is a shame and it is gonna hurt everyone around, and of cos, u, urself especially.
tt is how much i cant handle everything. i am a huge disappointment.
and a mistake. (i (and my family) know what i mean.)
just tell me how
i am an old woman, nothing like a spicy ginger. totally unattractive and dull. any new fresh vegetable will be able to kick me off the corner. easily.
i am totally so afraid to lose anything i own. but, although my everything isnt sth i own, that is my ultimate fear of loss. just because, he is really my everything.
my grandma is so sweet to send me holidays for this new year. but i really dont need it, ah ma. i rather have a little more time to touch and feel u once again. please take good care of urself up there. and ah gong too!
the guilt is there for negligence. for not spending time with her when i am able to.
i realise how much it hurts to see strong adults tear. as all the chantings were going on, pictures must have flashed through. years of memories, she was the one who watched u through ur life. i can never feel the slightest of their pain of losing their one and only.
i can only hug daddy and mummy. just hope i can hold them through.
pa pae, i love u(: and of cos, ur dearest mother, my ah ma~
emotions are overwhelming. i just feel like emptying myself. ending life is an option. and seems like the only one.
unless i make myself worthwhile.
but, like how? dots.